I hate that I can only perceive things in relation to how they affect me. It's really all we can do, isn't it? I mean, I don't know how other people feel, what they think. The first thing that comes to anyone's mind is how something is going to affect their life.
I feel selfish and egocentric in the worst way.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Something peculiar happened to me.
So I thought I would write it down. I scribbled it rather hastily because I'm quite busy with everything I have to do for the end of the semester, so it's not well written and I don't think I got across exactly how odd it was, but whatever:
I've noticed that I've been eating alone more often lately. I decided to take a seat in the dining hall at one of the smaller tables, it always feels odd to eat by myself at a table that can fit 10 people. Among the rows of tables pushed up against the wall I found an unoccupied table at the very end, the table closest to it had a lone student eating there as well. I sat down with my back towards him, I've always felt that it would be quite awkward to sit facing another person that was eating by themselves while I ate by myself. Two people sitting like that, looking at each other as they ate, it would just make more sense for them to sit at the same table. In any case, as I sat down I realized that the other chair at his table had a jacket on it, apparently he wasn't sitting alone. As I started to eat my food I looked up to stare at the newly falling snow through the window. My neighbor's tablemate had returned and the two struck up a conversation. I soon realized that the two were somewhat of a couple. Perhaps it was an early date, that is if you can consider going out to dinner at a dining hall a date. The conversation they held was an interesting one for a date, the girl had asked him when he first found out what her name was. I felt like it was something you'd see in a movie, probably a quirky and arty romance. He went on to explain himself, but I didn't give the conversation much attention so a lot of it passed through my head. Mostly I was gripped with wishing that I could have that conversation with someone. I thought of what had happened to start their relationship. Perhaps the boy was interested in this girl, maybe they shared a class or studied in the same part of the library often, she must have recognized who he was over time as well. Somehow he had found out her name, I almost wished I didn't fail to hear this part because it honestly intrigues me now, and had started talking to her. Now here they were, on a date not even a couple of feet away from me. I recalled girls from my classes that I was interested in, girls that I had passed often while walking about campus. Could the same thing happen to me? Just how had he figured out her name, asked her out to dinner? I quickly finished eating, I never like to take too long when I'm eating by myself, and got ready to leave. As I turned to walk by my neighbor's table I noticed the seat that was empty when I arrived was empty again, she must have gone to get something else. As I passed the table from around the corner came one of those girls that I had passed by often on campus, one who I was rather smitten with. For a slight moment I thought it a sign but then I realized she was getting ready to sit down in the unoccupied chair. As I walked outside I felt the cold of the snow that was starting to nest itself in my hair.
I've noticed that I've been eating alone more often lately. I decided to take a seat in the dining hall at one of the smaller tables, it always feels odd to eat by myself at a table that can fit 10 people. Among the rows of tables pushed up against the wall I found an unoccupied table at the very end, the table closest to it had a lone student eating there as well. I sat down with my back towards him, I've always felt that it would be quite awkward to sit facing another person that was eating by themselves while I ate by myself. Two people sitting like that, looking at each other as they ate, it would just make more sense for them to sit at the same table. In any case, as I sat down I realized that the other chair at his table had a jacket on it, apparently he wasn't sitting alone. As I started to eat my food I looked up to stare at the newly falling snow through the window. My neighbor's tablemate had returned and the two struck up a conversation. I soon realized that the two were somewhat of a couple. Perhaps it was an early date, that is if you can consider going out to dinner at a dining hall a date. The conversation they held was an interesting one for a date, the girl had asked him when he first found out what her name was. I felt like it was something you'd see in a movie, probably a quirky and arty romance. He went on to explain himself, but I didn't give the conversation much attention so a lot of it passed through my head. Mostly I was gripped with wishing that I could have that conversation with someone. I thought of what had happened to start their relationship. Perhaps the boy was interested in this girl, maybe they shared a class or studied in the same part of the library often, she must have recognized who he was over time as well. Somehow he had found out her name, I almost wished I didn't fail to hear this part because it honestly intrigues me now, and had started talking to her. Now here they were, on a date not even a couple of feet away from me. I recalled girls from my classes that I was interested in, girls that I had passed often while walking about campus. Could the same thing happen to me? Just how had he figured out her name, asked her out to dinner? I quickly finished eating, I never like to take too long when I'm eating by myself, and got ready to leave. As I turned to walk by my neighbor's table I noticed the seat that was empty when I arrived was empty again, she must have gone to get something else. As I passed the table from around the corner came one of those girls that I had passed by often on campus, one who I was rather smitten with. For a slight moment I thought it a sign but then I realized she was getting ready to sit down in the unoccupied chair. As I walked outside I felt the cold of the snow that was starting to nest itself in my hair.
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