One week left until I move in to school and then I start classes next Monday. I haven't done anything productive this summer or did any of the things I said I was going to.
Here's a list of what I did manage to do:
1. Sit around a lot learning about random information.
2. Watch a few odd movies.
3. Invest far too much time in video games.
4. Grow a beard (this isn't so much an accomplishment as it is me deciding I don't like shaving every day).
I feel a bit more awful about this because of an experience I had today. Not to go into detail or anything, but it just struck me how there are some people in my life that really do care that I'm happy and that care about helping me live a comfortable life. Much more comfortable of a life then when they were a child, a teenager, or a young adult like I am now. I feel like it's not right for me to accept anything from people who have worked hard all of their lives and still don't have that much to show for it.
I have no ambition, I'm lazy, I mope around a lot, I complain about things far too often and sometimes I just don't even care what happens to me. I don't really deserve anything. There are people out there in life that deserve much more than me and don't get it.
I guess the thing is, I don't really know what I'm doing with my life. Sure I have some plans but I have no idea how they are going to work out and there's a part of me (a large one at that) that doesn't even care if they work out or not. I feel as if I'm just going along wherever life is taking me without really taking much direction, and yet people are still trying to help me along.
I feel horrible when other people want me to be happy and go out of their way to try and help me be happy because sometimes even I don't care about my well being at all.
Why should others be concerned for someone who has already given up on himself?
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